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"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
―Dumblydore (he had a hedache ok)

Albert Dumblydore is the "principal" of Hogwarts (despite the fact that Hogwarts has a headmaster instead of principal in canon). He first appears in the story when he shouts at Ebony for having what one can barely describe as sex with Draco. Later he turns to the goffic side and tries to help Ebony. Emphasis on "tries", since he gets shouted at for being a poser.

Despite Tara Gilesbie's fondness for ridiculously long names, she did not include the full name of the original Hogwarts Headmaster (Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore), calling her school's "principal" simply Dumblydore. This is, however, justified by the fact Tara has, by her own admission, not read all the books. She instead based him off whatever movies she saw.

Background[]

MI32

A younger, but grumpier Albert Dumblydore

Albert Dumblydore held the post of Hogwarts principal for a long time, as he held this position during the 80's, ruling the school with an iron fist. During this period, Dumbydore made sure Hogwarts was the ultimate bastion of preppiness as he reprimanded every display of goffikness he saw. In this harsh regime, "doin it" publicly was an offense punishable with being sent to Azerbaijan; a punishment normally given by the ruthless Mystery of Magic.

It is possible that this dictatorial regime caused Tom Satan Bombodil to develop a fear for the Hogwarts principal, as his adult self, Voldemort, flees the scene whenever Dumblydore attempts to fight him or looks away in fear when Dumblydore is merely present.

Role in the story[]

AlbertDumblydoreMF

Albert's first and most iconic appearance, brought to you by headaches.

The Preppy Principal[]

Albert first appears in Chapter 4, quoting the line he is now famous for. At that time, he was angry at Ebony and Draco for having sexual intercourse at the Forbidden Forest, deriding them as "motherfukers". He takes them to his office, where the two goffs were denounced by him, Professor McGoogle and Professor Snape (who later turned into Snap). Tara later revealed that Dumblydore acts this way when he has headaches. In his second appearance, he appears and begins to cry "wisely". He reveals to Ebony and her band that Draco committed suicide by slitting his wrists (despite the fact Draco is a vampire and wouldn't die that way). Draco mysteriously reappears two chapters later, alive but kidnapped by Voldemort. However, Dumblydore has a change of mind and tells Ebony that he does not give a darn at what happens to Draco.

The Poser Principal[]

MI17

Dumblydore trying out a new lifestyle.

Later, Ebony attends an MCR concert. When the concert is hijacked by Vlodemort and da Death Deelers for the second time, Dumblydore turns into a gothic old man and saves Ebony and her friends. The next morning Albert painted the "grate hall" black (but apparently painted it pink first, as Ebony can see the "pink pant" underneath it). Dumblydore also wears goffik clothing. He tries to befriend Ebony and the others, but is shouted at for being a poser.

His friendliness to the goffs doesn't last that long. After Ebony had a vision of Serious and Lucian being shot by a black guy, she and Draco go to Dumblydore for aid. Dumblydore doesn't appear to believe them, suggesting Ebony might be divisional (probably delusional). While suggesting this, he cackles loudly, as if he enjoys the situation. However, when Ebony swears at him, he is very intimidated by her and sends some people to save Serious and Lucian.

Dumblydore's dangerous Alzheimers[]

When the Mystery of Magic decides to take over the school, they make it clear that they consider Dumbledore incompetent. They yell at him for being too old and having Alzheimers. When Ebony returns from the ‘80s, Dumblydore has been replaced as principal by Doris Rumbridge and sent to Abkhazian for being "old and week" and having "kancer". However, he is released and brought back to substitute for Professor Sinister (who was also sent to Abkhazian) on the very same day he was sent to prison.

When Ebony travels to the past, it is revealed that the Dumblydore of that time period is much more hateful towards goffs. He is very preppy, and shouts at Ebony and Tom Satan Bombodil (the past Voldemort) for just talking in the hallway, despite the fact that they were outside at the time. When he catches Tom Satan Bombodil and Hedwig having sex in Da Grate Hall, he attempts to have all goffs sent to Azerbaijan.

The final battle[]

After Ebony returns to her own time with Tom Satan Bombodil, a sequence of events results in a battle between Snap, (a chained) Loopin and Voldemort and Ebony and her friends. While this battle rages on, Dumblydore, along with almost every other character in the story, looks on, without contributing anything to the fight. His appearance does scare Voldemort, however, as Dumblydore is the only person the Bark Lord fears. Despite this, Dumblydore still begs Ebony to save everyone. His fate is left ambiguous, as this is where the story ends.

Alternate troll ending[]

In the ending written by An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward, Albert Dumblydore's fate is slightly different.

After Ebony is shot by James in chapter 38, she inexplicably reappears in the future. She dies a dramatic death, but her death actually releases Tara's grip on the Harry Potter universe. This makes Dumblydore come to his senses, reverting him to his canon self, Albus Dumbledore. Upon seeing Voldemort and Harry initiating a fight, Dumbledore presumably joins in. The fic ends with the forces of good and evil having a huge battle—until Tara reasserts control, that is.

Appearance[]

In terms of appearance, Dumblydore doesn't seem to diverge much from his canon counterpart, excerpt when he is trying to be "goffic" or when Ebony meets him in the ‘80s. He is then described as "having short blonde hair" (even though in the books his hair had been auburn before going gray) and "wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters".[1] During his poser phase, he becomes a "gothic old man" with "lung black hair", a "looong black bread", and a "blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back".[2]

Personality[]

It seems that Albert Dumblydore has some case of split personality. When he has no headaches, he is portrayed as a senile old man. He shows up from time to time to tell (largely irrelevant) things to Ebony, and later turns into a goffic old man. However, she may have a slightly higher opinion of him than most preps, considering that he often does or says things "wisely" (ironic, considering not a single remotely intelligent detail is given by Dumblydore). 

However, when he has a headache, he starts verbally abusing students and openly admits some students may rot away in Voldemort's hands, "cockling" all the while. During Ebony's trips to the past, Dumblydore apparently had constant headaches because he hated goffs with a passion and saw goffikness as a crime for which people could be send to Abkhazian (if they're lucky!), alongside "copolation". He (along with several other members of staff) is incredibly irresponsible and incompetent, and (mentioned above) quite aggressive, especially verbally.

Possessions[]

  • A wand: Albert Dumblydore is described to have used a wand on multiple occasions, which is to be expected from the Hogwarts principal.
  • A broomstick: This seems to be Dumblydore's preferred way of transport. He is even seen flying on a broom in the school's hallways.
  • A long black bread: For an unexplained reason, Dumblydore took a long black "bread" with him when fighting Voldemort during an MCR concert. It's probably supposed to be a beard.
  • A robe that says Avril Lavigne on the back: During that same concert, he also wears this robe.

Differences from the original[]

The canon Albus Dumbledore was portrayed as a powerful presence of which even the Dark Lord Voldemort was afraid. Dumbledore also believed everyone should be offered forgiveness (on similar par with Jesus). He is described as being extremely wise, and is also cool, calm, and collected even in the face of rude behavior.

Needless to say Albert Dumblydore is nothing like this (though Voldemort is apparently still scared of him, albeit so little as to just look away. There is no precedence for Volxemort to be afraid of Dumbledark. He is very quickly angered, swears at students and even admits he does not give “a darn what Voldemort does to Draco”. This stands in sharp contrast with Dumbledore offering Draco protection from Voldemort in the series proper. Albert is also easily intimidated by students, while there is nothing that could really intimidate Albus. Essentially, Dumblydore seems to be the polar opposite of Dumbledore (aside from age), as is the case for almost every canon character in My Immortal. However, this portrayal is somewhat closer to the films' portrayal of Dumbledore, who is much more easily angered, as is indicated by the infamous scene from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in which Dumbledore yells at Harry. (In the book, Dumbledore "asked calmly.") Given that Tara admitted to having watched the movies more than read the books, (or "da boox") this is likely where her portrayal of Dumbledore came from.

After the fourth chapter, it's clear that Tara quickly caught on that most readers were not happy with her for making Dumbledore swear and yell at students. However, as Dumblydore's line in Chapter 13 reveals ("I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco"), Tara only understood that readers were upset with her for making Dumbledore swear (hence the "darn") - she didn't understand that they were upset because she was somehow screwing up the basic concept that the canon Albus Dumbledore was calm and collected.

Dumblydore is described as having Alzheimers and "kancer," and an issue with headaches. Dumbledore is not known to have any of these ailments.

Other Appearances[]

In I'm Not Okay, Dumbledore makes a brief appearance, giving a speech to the first years. His name is correctly spelled, and he doesn't appear to be that out of character.


Quotes[]

  • "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
  • “You ludacris fools!” he shouted.
  • Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…
  • “U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”
  • “No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.”
  • “Very well.” Dumbledore said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…………………………………………………………………..Enony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.”
  • “Oops she made a mistake!” he corrupted her. “She means hi everybody cum in!”
  • Dubleodre started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony’s not divisional?”
  • Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. “NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!” he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID GOFFS!”
  • “hey r u crying tears of blood?”
  • “WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1”
  • “Be quiet you Satanists.” Dumbledore cockled. “If ur lucky I’ll probably send u all to Akazaban!!! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall.”
  • “You dunderheads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111”
  • “Save us Ebony!”

Gallery[]

References[]

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