"Dis is…Hedwig!!!!!!!!!1"
Hedwig was a female owl in the original Harry Potter. However, she became a bisexual, goffick, human male after getting reimagined by Tara.
Appearance
Tara decribes Hedwig as being a sexy "goffik bi guy!!!!!11" and had "bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants".
Upon his appearance, he "walk[s] in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don’t 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video"[1].
Role in the Story
Hedwig and Voldemort making out.
Hedwig is implied to have been the reason Voldemint "got his hearth borken"[2] when he had been at Hogwarts.
He first makes an appearance in Chapter 41 as the sexy "goffik bi guy!!!!!11" that Ebony and Satan encounter after leaving the Nurse's office. Enoby inexplicably responds "angrly" because she "did nut kno him". Satan Bombodil reveals that Hedwig used to be a member of XBlakXTearX (but had to quit because he broke his arm) and Satan's "boifreind" before the two had broken up. Hedwig then runs away, "bcos he had hair of magical creature"[3].
Ebony gets them back together by making them have sex while she films them with her iPod in an extremely disturbing sex scene. They are caught and sent to Dumblydore's office.
Hedwig is last seen in Chapter 42 in the office with Ebony, Satan, James, Serious, Snap, and Lucian. Satan and Ebony eventually head back to the future through the blak tim machine, and Hedwig is never seen again.
Trivia
- If Tara is a troll, it's very likely that her unorthodox (to put it lightly) depiction of Hedwig might be a reference to Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a film and musical about a gay man who was forcibly made transgender. Given the description (blonde hair, musically interested), this might be the case, thus making "Hedwig" actually another crossover character. If this Hedwig is that character, however, they are still 'canon raped', as Hedwig wasn't a goff and most certainly wasn't around in England in the 90's.
- Tara appears to have made a mistake with the Green Day shirt - the band's lead singer is called Billie Joe Armstrong, while Billy Joel is a completely different person.
- Interestingly, during their make-out scene, Hedwig refers to Satan as "Voldimort", even though in the 80s Voldemort was apparently known as Tom Satan Bombodil or Tom Andorson.